On Setting Intentions for Personal Development

“It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

At the outset of my coaching adventure, I initially was full of enthusiasm and a sense of the exciting possibility of learning new skills that would make me a more effective leader and enable me to support others in their own development.

Early in my coaching education, I decided to set an intention to improve my listening skills as a coach. That decision had a remarkable impact in both my professional and personal life. I realized how, over time, I had stopped listening so carefully and thoughtfully to the people closest to me, particularly my spouse, family, and friends. Setting an intention to become a better listener as a coach-in-training spilled over into my personal life, and I was amazed at what I learned and came to appreciate about my loved ones. I saw the impact of applying this immediately, trying it on with my spouse one evening as we went for a walk. He talked about some things going on with his work.

I listened.

I asked questions.

After awhile, he told me, “I felt like you were listening to me. It felt really nice.”

I had demonstrated genuine respect, care, and appreciation by offering him my undivided attention.

That interaction demonstrated to me in a very clear way how listening strengthens connection and builds trust.

Today, I make a conscious effort to be an effective, clean listener with my clients, colleagues, as well as family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. And in all of the relationships where I have intentionally aimed to be a true listener, those relationships have deepened in surprising ways, making even brief interactions and conversations meaningful, fulfilling, and impactful.

An education professor once told me “Good teachers are not always good people, but good people almost always make good teachers.” That speaks to me of the need for a commitment to personal development to be a better teacher and, in this case, a better coach.

This was one of the greatest and most rewarding personal lessons I took away from my learning process. I discovered that working on becoming a better coach and a better human being are synonymous.